Greg Crisp

Trust is one of the most difficult things to earn from another human. Perhaps THE most difficult thing.

Trust is made or lost purely in one’s actions. What brings trust from another? Consistency in your actions. And agreement between your words and your actions.

Trust is not a judgement on relative good or evil. I can see someone as “good”, yet not trust them. The most religious person can justify any action if they believe God is on their side. I can have complete trust in someone I consider to be evil. I trust them to do evil things. At least there is a foundation for predictability.

Siona: “Do you know why I trust you, Nayla?”

Nayla: “Have I ever given you cause to do otherwise?”

Siona: “That’s not a sufficient cause for trust.” …

Nayla: “Then why DO you trust me?”

Siona: “Your words and your actions always agree. It’s a marvelous quality.” … “Everything is based on performance. That is all I measure.”

- From God Emperor of Dune, by Frank Herbert

The passage above is the most eloquent, concise art I’ve found on the subject. When someone consistently acts in a fashion that agrees with their words, it builds trust.

When a person’s actions do not agree with their words, trust erodes. How can one trust words when actions taken by their speaker are not compatible?

Observing how one person interacts with another can tell you a lot about truth and trust. Whom we choose to spend personal time with is a barometer of our true feelings for those people, and also for our true feelings about ourselves. To hear someone speak poorly of another on one hand, yet spend large amounts of personal time with them, is an inconsistency between their words and actions.

I’ve struggled with this all my life. It’s difficult to know how a particular message will be interpreted by another. People can be complex in their patterns and diversity.

Meme: “any idea or behavior that can pass from one person to another by learning or imitation.” – Wikipedia

This is something toward the true nature of “trust”: Being able to reliably predict how another will react to a particular meme of information. Is it safe to expose that person to that particular idea? A single thought can make someone’s day, or ruin a life. The difference often depends on their readiness to understand. You don’t want to tell someone a thing that will (proverbially) make their head explode. It’s not helpful, to them nor to you, to expose someone to information which they are not yet prepared to know.

Reading that terrain is one of “those” skills. Just when you think you have some mastery, a whole new level of awareness dawns. And you learn how little, in fact, you really know after all.

So, why bother at all? Because when there is trust, their can be openness. With openness, there is the opportunity to truly share time with another being, to experience their unique thoughts, feelings, and patterns. And that has its own rewards.